The not-by-choice entertainer

The not-by-choice entertainer – There always seemed to be a pilot with two-left-feet in a Flight. I was convinced that fate put such a type there for alleviation of tension. The one in “B” Flight was a wonderful character from Wolverhampton, Bloody ‘ell Doley. Nobody ever figured how Doley got as far as he did in the flying environment. Doley was one of those Englishmen whose slicked-down, blonde hair was always falling to the side over one ear, and whose shoes were always two sizes too large.

Dixie Davis used to kid the lovin’ daylights out of Doley, yet Doley would listen religiously to anything his friend Dixie had to say to him. The fighter Spitfire carried two tanks of petrol (47 and 38 gallons if I remember correctly), one on top of the other just in behind the instrument panel. When the Spitfire was flown to altitudes over 15,000 feet each petrol gauge would register only 15 gallons remaining, so one had to roughly estimate, and soon got to know, the consumption of petrol by keeping tabs on the engine revs, the boost (inches of mercury), and the periods of time fighting or general flying. It was hard to believe that Doley never noticed, or was never told, about this phenomenon before because he had been over 25,000 feet a number of times. Nevertheless, one early morning, the Squadron was flying over France when suddenly Doley found that he had only 15 gallons left in each of his tanks. He became quite excited and hollered over the RT, “Oi’ve only got 30 gallons of petrol left, what’ll oi do?” And before Elphin Leader (Holden) could answer in his calm and collected tone, Dixie said, “Bail out you silly cunt.” Everybody, including me, turned in their cockpits to supposedly see Doley going over the side of his kite when Holden, in great consternation, quickly broke in, “I say, don’t be so foolish, Elphin Black Two.” Bullfrog went on, “Elphin Black One, you escort Elphin Black Two as far as you can, and for God’s sake try and stretch it to the Channel for air-sea rescue.” So Dixie escorted Doley towards the Channel trying to get the best airspeed for distance out of Doley’s Spitfire. But lo and behold, as soon as they reached below the 15,000 foot level, Doley, with new-found enthusiasm, quickly informed Dixie that his tanks were, now, registering almost full. Poor Dix was frustrated to the hilt as they couldn’t stooge back into France alone. He decided that they would look for any target on the way back over the drink and make for Westhampnett. They landed at Westhampnett, as fresh as daisies, in full view of the ground crews. We never knew what Dixie did or said after he got out of his aeroplane.